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xuanz's blog ♥
Monday, June 14, 2004

oh man..i real bored..have the least idea what i should do now..i hav finished watching all my charmed tapes and there is nothing else left for me to watch..my homework is almost done,left with my amaths which out of four topics,i only know how to do one..(that's pathetic huh?),my geography articles are done,left a few more articles to cut out and write summary,my nglish is still not done,was only able to find 6 out of the twenty that we are supposed to find..and lastly,my book review..its only 60% done,still got some parts not completed.went to the chinese yahoo to look for information on the great wall for our book review but can't get any,was only able to more pictures of the great wall..then i accidentally pressed the wrong button and there goes my search.so angry..had been searching for the past five hours and one click, everything is gone..but i dun intend to search online again,it's too time consuming..shall go to the library to look for books on great wall,it's gonna be so much faster..hmm..guess that's all bah..my neck hurts after facing the computer for more than five hours..gotta take some rest..then i shall go attempt my a maths hw,shall crack my brain to try to solve the problems..
Friday, June 11, 2004

okay,i hav no idea why but i've been feeling realli mood since the holiday has started..why?i have the least idea too..anybody out there can give me an answer?also,i feel that i'm giving 'him' this attitude,dunno why also..its like everything that i'm doing and behaving this holiday is so out of sorts..not like my usual self,that's the only thing i can say..well..been surfing the net for the past one hour looking for two lyrics that i feel best describes my feelings..Both are sung by Britney Spears,one from her latest album,Toxic and the other from an old album,Oops!I did it Again..


Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry


At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby


Girl in the Mirror
There's a girl in the mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
There's a story in her eyes
Lullabies and goodbyes
When she's looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken easily

'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
Something I could do

If I could
I would tell her
Not to be afraid
The pain that she's feeling
The sense of loneliness will fade
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love will find you like before
When she's looking back at me
I know nothing really works that easily

'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
I wish there was something
Oh I wish there was something
I could do

I can't believe it's what I see
That the girl in the mirror
The girl in the mirror
Is me

I can't believe what I see (no....)
(The girl in my mirror)
The girl in my mirror is me
Ohh...is me

'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
I wish there was something
I wish there was something
Oh I wish there was something
I could do

Thursday, June 10, 2004

hm..back to blog again..went out with yingen jus now..he so blur..he brought me to the wrong place and didnt realise it until we went to ask people for directions..went citylink to shop for vivien sis's present,but the one that we saw was out of our budget(it costs $40 and we onli hav $44)so went to precious thots but then vivien say want to share den go heerens buy cash voucher.so me and yingen took another train to heerens and walked for like half an hour before proceeding to mos burger(again..) for lunch.den on the way to the mrt station,we saw evelyn and cheng yu..den funally we took the train to amk and we went home..

jus now went to visit my mei mei's blog and i feel that i have a reply to your thoughts..but i'm afraid its gonna be too wordy if i type it in ur tag board,so here i go again:
In life,
Everybody have their ups and downs.
Don't give up easily.
Yes,the rest of the journey is gonna be tough,
But think of the result when you reached the end,
Like the chinese oroverb,xian ku hou tian.
You suffer now,
but the end result is going to be better than what you think.
Think of the precious lessons that you learn along the journey,
the experiences gained.
This are thing money can never buy.
If you give up, you are not going to learn.
Life is never fair.
Failing is part and parcel of life.
This is something you can't deny,
Don't get discouraged because you failed.
Instead,learn from it,
prevent yourself from making the same mistake.
and not continue to fail.
Everyone suffered,
I too,am suffering in the silent.
You are not alone.
I'm here with you,rain or shine.
Who don't wish to have peace?
Peace prevails after war.
But everyday seems like war
We face new challenges everyday,
They are like the war we are fighting.
But,face it,don't run away from it,
be strong,you can do it.
Everyday,everyone is putting on a mask,
Different people choose to put on different mask,
You brought happiness to all of us.
But please don't suffer silently girl,
It pains my heart..
Remember,you are not alone..
I'll always be there for you,
rain or shine..Always..

hmm..going out later..in like one hour's time..going out with yingen to buy viven's sis birthday present..i used to think why people can be so free that they are updating their blog practically everyday, i found it quite impossible initially, but then hey! that's what i'm doing now too.. updating it every other day.. hahas..ytd,went library with kang quan and daphne to look for a chinese story book to do our book review. saw jacob and his girlfriend there..looked for a really long time.. daphne wanted to look for a chinese story bool that has english explanation in it..so we thought of chinese cinderella,but we cant find it..so in the end,we decided to do on the great wall, since i got the info for it..den we went to mos burger to have lunch(or shld i say accompany me there to have lunch?)initially,we wanted to go long john's silver,but cant find it,den say go macdonald's,but also cannot find,cos the three of us aren't familiar with amk, and since mos burger is the only fast food restayrant that we can find, we went there..saw a few 'dramas' there..one grandmother and her grandchildren,the grandmother so fierce to her grandchildren..force them go toilet when they dun wan to..den saw one woman on the wheelchair with her legs crossed,and she doesnt seem like she need the wheelchair at all..den still got some others, but cant rmb le.. then,after that came home, slack around and do nothing cos i dun feel like doing hw.. feel that this whole week i've done not much hw..must control myself..cannot keep coming onlne..gtg..blog again some other time..
Monday, June 07, 2004

hahas..finally got to watch harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban ytd.. went with my family.. the show is quite okie.. erm.. but this time round, all of them are so much more matured now, not like the first two, you can sense childishness in them. this time its like, everything they do is so serious etc.. but basically its nice lah, quite worth watching i think.. but still, the book is going to give much more detailed stuff about the whole story.. like how sirius escaped, how he managed to get into the school(did the the book mention this?i cant rmb..),why snape is at loggerheads with sirius and more.. but if they're gonna put all this in the movie, people will get really bored.. guess that's all i can say about the movie.. wasn't really paying full attention to the movie cos i was realy tired.. so i yawned throughout the whole film.. hehex..

today i did my cross-stitch, finished one of tweety's leg.. initially, i could have finished much more than this, i could have finished the whole body, but due to my carelessness, i had to redo the whole thing!! then, went to fetch my mum home from her office at around 10.30am, cos she was unwell, had a relapse of another hyperventilation episode(i.e. having difficulty breathing with chest pains..),and she nearly fainted.. scary.. but she's ok now.. on mc for two days.. initially, her colleagues wanted to call the ambulance, but she already called my dad then, so we sent her to the clinic, the doctor did a thorough checkup and found nothing..haiz. this is not the first time this happened le.. some of you that are close to me should know what happen, luckily this time round it wasn't as bad, if not, i think i'm gonna go crazy worrying about her..
Friday, June 04, 2004

hahaz..today was fun..initially, i was going out with desmond chua,kenny,blah blah blah..they wanted to go to the expo,and since i dun wanna stay at home and rot(cos i dun wanna do my hw.. hehex:P),i went with them. and to my surprise and horror, my dad was going to the expo too!! so i was there panicking all the way to the mrt station. when i reached potong pasir(they say they going to have lunch there..), tony's call saved me!! he asked me if i want to join them for badminton, so i agreed!hahaz.. so i escaped meeting my dad at the expo.. hahaz.. it was so great.. but i think i too long never play badminton le, my hand got really tired after playing a while..den we celebrate fazzie's birthday and they had a war of cream.. then at six,we went off.. fazzie and syukur went home, tony was somehow forced to accompany me to take 159 home. he alighted at central and went to meet gen,sean and clarence and they went for dinner. then when i reached home, my dad told me that he didn't go expo!cos his car got scratched by a taxi and that spoiled his mood. he was already at the expo then, but that spoiled his mood, so he didn't go for the PC show.. then i was like, what?ok fine.. but anyway, i think going to play badminton was still a better choice then going to the expo for the PC show since i'm not interested in computers!!hahas..
Thursday, June 03, 2004

hmm.. back again.. blogging for the third time today.. i'm just so bored that i seriously have no idea what to do.. well.. i've decided that there is another part of today's entry that i wish to 'dedicate' to this particular person who have caused a really great impact in my life.. i dont noe why, but just felt like telling 'you' all this things, 'cos this is something you will not see in my diary neither would i tell you personally or through other other media, so i guess, its best to type it here and tell you.
Okie.. here it goes:

Known you last year,
But got to know you better only this year.
I have no idea why,
but there seem to be a magnet in you
that is pulling me towards you.
This attraction was there before the investiture.
It was only after the investiture
that things got worse,
I fell for you.
Obviously you didnt know that.
Nobody knew that, only I knew.
'Why me?', you may ask.
'Because of your character',
this is the only answer i have for you.
You treat people too good,
Too good that it seems to have gotten you into this mess.
During the camp,
You were there, but i feel so empty in my heart
because you were there, but i can't talk to you
I felt so uneasy..
Only on day 2 did we get the chance to talk.
I felt so happy, i finally talk to you.
But of course, you didnt know that.
From your best friend,
i know that you sensed that something is wrong with me.
But of course, i didnt dare tell you.
I was afraid that you would shun me from then on.
But i was terribly wrong.
Till now, i still remember clearly what happen that day.
it was as if it happened only yesterday.
I only got the courage to tell you the second time i called you.
My hands were so cold then.
Yes,you rejected me.
My heart was totally shattered,
i held back my tears,
i forbid myself to cry,
i told myself that i musn't cry now,
i cant let my mum see that.
You gave me 3 choice to choose,
I felt lost, i dont know what to do
I wish i could put down the phone the moment you rejected me
but something just made me continue
listening to what you want to say.
Then, i told you i'd be friends with you
Why? 'cos i knew the truth..
You gave me choices so i wasnt going to be that hurt.
Why? Why are you always so good to me?
Can't you be mean to me?
If i could travel back in time,
i would have changed this.
Rumours are spreading,
People 'backstabbing' me,
People whom i trust, had a fair share in it too.
I was really down.
But were you there?
no, you weren't,
i just felt that i was so foolish.
So foolish for clinging on tightly onto you,
foolishly believing that one day you would fall for me too.
but would you?
I don't think so.
At this point of time,
I really wish that i could leave this world,
leave this miserable world once and for all.
But i know i cant,
i cant leave my parents,my friends and you.
But leaving seems to be the only way out.
Life was so bleak then,
Everything seems so dark and meaningless.
Luckily, i had my friends with me.
They helped me tide through the hardest period of my life.
Where were you then?
I have no idea too..
Then, for some reason,
I noticed a change in you.
I shan't elaborate how here.
Ask me if you want.
You became so different from the person i used to know.
Why? haven't you notice that?
or were you too busy enjoying this change?
Why? What causes this change in you?
Can there be a way out?
I really dont want you to change..
Please, please don't..
Can you please promise me?
Can you? Please?

::[desperate gurl pleading you]::

*i hope that after you have read this, you don't feel offended or anything, this is really how i feel during those times. also, i'm writing this not to make you pity me or whatever, like i said, it is how i feel and what i think at those time..

hahaz.. i'm back! here to write an entry to my dear mei mei(u shld noe who u are.. hahaz..:P) okie.. basically, i would say that it is some sort of a reply to u bah.. i oso dunno.. jus feel like writing it to u.. hehex..
okie.. here goes my entry to my best friend cum meix:

Known you for many years..
But we only got close in sec 1..
a nice and sweet girl you are,
never fail to make me feel happy
and blessed that i have got a really good friend..
Yes true that we share secrets,
but you don't always tell me everything worx..
You are always there when i needed you,
Always there when i neede a helping hand and a listening ear
True that when i fall for a guy,
I will cling to it,
No matter how tired i get.
But it really hurts to be rejected,
Not once, but twice.
People say, once bitten, twice shy
But why whenever i fall for another,
I forgotten how it feels to be hurt.
Maybe, the saying 'love is blind' is true
But to me, this sentence is what made me
get hurt every single time.
Maybe there would be a day where
the right guy appears.
But by then, i dont no how hurt i am.
Especially this time,
it seems to have caused a really great impact on me.
Why? Don't ask me, i dont noe
Ask that person..
Well, don't think too much about
what happened this time round girl,
If he really is meant to be urs,
Go for it,
But i think u should know what would happen in the end
Not discouraging you to be with him,
but think wisely before u answer him.

~Take care~
::[Your best friend cum jie always]::

hahaz.. just changed my template yesterday.. like this one so much manz!! initially got into a really big mess with this template, den still kena 'scolding'(not scolding lah, say say onli..) from tony.. he ask me change back den ask desmond to help me with it. so this is the outcome of wad desmond has helped me!! hahaz.. he told me that the template i chose wasnt really for blogger so he modify things abit for me, and tada! hahaz.. going crazy le.. holiday is here but i feel so sian.. got nth to do at home now.. so many holiday homework to be done, dunno why teachers like to let us cut newspaper so much, now must go round looking for articles to cut out. english still must have articles that are connected together.. how to find??!! where got so many news that are always in connection?? somebody tell me?? yesterday went out with my aunt to hougang mall and bought cross stitch to do(its winnie the pooh and tweety!!) they cost 30++ bucks.. really expensive.. haven started doing yet cos my mum say i can only start when i have finish my hw.. haiz.. so tempted to start leh.. so starting it this afternoon bah..(provided i'm not tempted to come online again.. hehex..:P) well.. i guess that's all for now.. might come back to blog again later..