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xuanz's blog ♥
Saturday, August 28, 2004

ritex..back here to blog again..so much has happened this week..things between ma and *toot*, viv and *toot*..hahas..ppl close to us shld noe wad happen larh..dun wanna say it here..for mine, only wanling, sofina, viv and germaine noe..hahas..yepyep..if u noticed..i'm really crappy nowadays..dunno why also..hahas..hav been staing back in school almost everyday to do the teachers day banner..but i onli managed to do really little only..cos my schedule is so packed..so sorry guys..couldnt do much..one more week and we will all have our one week holiday..haiz..i dread it manx..cus this is jus the best excuse teachers have for giving us loads of homework and remedials..'cos its the holidays and we cant idle our holiday away..'haiz..this totally defeats the purpose of a holiday ya??hahas..ytd,viv and gen li thot that tony's birthday is today and the two of them were like 'whose birthday is it tmr huh??'hahas..aiyo..i nvr forget birthdays de kaes..i rmb all those that i'm close with..so i dun get the dates wrong gurls!!hahas..ritex..before i end..HaPpy beLaTeD biRthDaY tOnY!!mAy aLL yOUr wiSheS cOme tRue!!

[i'm getting so crappy..]

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

alright..back here to blog again after many donkey days..muahahas..alright..thanx guys!!esp gen,viv and weili..hahas..i'm back to my normal self again..yep..life gotta move on no matter wad yea?but actually its cos i wasnt realli free to update bah..so maybe u guys got the wrong idea??hahas..gonna be realli busy for the next two weeks or so bah..hav to do the banner for teachers' dae..and that clement made me the i/c!!*duhx!!*no sabotaging u noe??hahas..yep..went to bought the materials that we need for the banner with jinman today..and the papers alone cost $10!!whoo..hahas..ritex..i'm getting realli crappy now..shant get so crappy anymore..right..it sure is tough being the middleman..nian shun and viv,daph and des..duhx..its like nobody thinks that they're in the wrong.what's worse is that they're all my best friends!!its so tough manx..haiz..the prob between nian shun and viv is the worst manx..shld i side with nian shun or viv??nian shun is gonna sit in front of me for the next one yr plus..viv is my long time best friend.how??haiz..i remain neutral lah..fair and square..hahas..;Pright,guess i shall stop here le bah..dunno wad else to type le..

[i'm feeling so crappy..]

Thursday, August 12, 2004

well..i'm blogging everyday since mr maxx passed away..dunno why there seems to be a strength inside me that urge me to blog everyday..well,had mass meeting today and we had a min of silence for mr maxx..it was really a sad one,i teared a few times during the meeting..guess i'm just too emotional..hahas..well,ms kodi is right,mr maxx does not want us to live in the past because of him..he would want us to move on..haiz..a few weeks ago, mr maxx was still joking with me that he was 'jealous' that his name isnt mentioned in my blog often enough, so i promised that i'm going to let his name appear in my blog as many times as possible..true that now his name is appearing very often in my blog now,but this is not the way i want it to appear..i want his typed only when an event appear;an event which involves us,not in this manner..*haiz..*shant talk abt it anymore..mr maxx,i did my promise,i mentioned ur name,just that it is not appearing in the manner that i want it to be..

[missing you lots..]

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

haiz..i miss mr maxx lots..jus came back from his wake..i cried alot..but who cares?!till now i still cant accept the fact that he's gone..i sreiously dunno how to live life in this school without him. it was the library in the school that kept me going on. but now?he's gone, library is gone too.i see no meaning in this school anymore..i miss those times when we drink coffee together,the times when i nagged at him for drinking too much coffee..now that he's gone,i have no one to nag at anymore..haix..but what's the use of missing now?he's already gone, it's a fact that i need to accept no matter how difficult it is for me to swallow this bitter truth..oh and here's something i wanna tell viv:

girl,i guess u cried because u were feeling the pain of losing someone u were really close to right?i noe how u felt.that empty hole in ur heart,it feels so weird.that kind of feeling feels so weird and it is really hard to describe rite?only when u experience it personally then will u noe how it feels.well,its a fact that all of us must accept no matter how difficult it is.i myself still cant accept this fact.

it's going to take a really long time for me to accept this fact i guess..till now, i still cant believe that it really happened..tmr he'll be cremated.the ceremony and rituals will start at 2pm.guess they;ll leave the block ard 3?i dunno..anyway,i hope that i'll be able to make it to send him off.at least i'll be able to accompany him walk this last part of his life..but there'll be meeting..haiz..hopefully they'll cancel the meeting so that we can go there..haiz..think i better stop here..

[mr maxx,i miss u a lot.where are u now??]

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

just came back..i'm still trying to digest what clarence told me..i still can't believe my ears,what happened is really true..i can't accept this fact that i lost someone whom i'm so close to..jus now i was late,tony told me not to go there anymore.i felt so..angry?i dunno..i just felt a little lost suddenly..if i dun go today,i wont get the chance to see him on last time,why must u deprive the last chance to see him??but then when we reach there,we didnt get the chance to see him,his body isnt sent to the void deck yet.it'll be there tmr.well,i sat there in a daze,miss lim asked me if i was alright.i told her i'm fine,but deep in my heart,i felt like breaking down.but,i told myself that i must be strong,i'm not going to breakdown in front of so many people.then when we walk towards macdonalds,my tears came down when i was talking to yingen..haiz..i dunno how i'm going to make it to school tmr..i'll be too sad to concentrate in class,furthermore i'm having my 2.4 run..it'll be real bad..well,i'll be going down to the wake tmr night,first time my parents allow me to go out at night..his wake will be until thursday..hopefully the school will give us a day off to let us accompany him walk the last part of his life..

[in loving memory of mr maxx..i miss the times when we were in the library drinking coffee..]

why must so many mishaps happen?is there any way we can prevent it from happening?one incident after another..why?people changing,people out of love,people breaking up,people dying..why??can somebody give me an answer?i dont noe abt the others,but this incident has seriously leave a very deep regret in my heart.some of u might have already gotten news of it.i seriously cant take this piece of news in stridenobody can..mr maxx left us for another world.how could he just leave us without a word..i'm devastated.i lost a really good friend,a teacher,a librarian..many people took him for granted,i know that.he always complain to me,he's really stressed with his work..his excos arent cooperating with him,no one takes the library duty to heart,always thinking that its not important..i always nag at him for drinking too much coffee..i'm glad i did that..at least i showed him the concern and maybe the care that he needed..i've no regrets.the only regret that i have is that i did not get the chance to see him for the last time,i did not have the chance to give him his birthday present-the very first birthday present that i'll be giving him..no..i did not have the chance..why must this world be so cruel?people are leaving me one by one..events after events..this sucks big time..why must god torment us this way?is this some kind of retribution that we're suffering?why?i'm too sad to do anything now..my mind isnt working anymore..i'm not in the mood to do anything.the pile of homework is still on my table,undone.i dun intend to do it anymore..just let it be..i cant be bothered with anything right now..just let me die away..i'm changing.i feel so different now..i feel rebellious,i dun wanna be the good girl that i used to be anymore..i wanna fold my skirt,my shirt, i wanna wear ankle socks to school,i wanna leave my homework till the next day and copy it from my friends..i feel as if i dunno myself anymore..the world's changing..everybody's changing..

[..i dun see any meaning in this world anymore..]

You're Sensitive and you'd like to stay that way..
-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

well..i changed my template AGAIN!but this time i did it myself!!feel a sense of man zu gan..hehex..:P did it all by myself without the help of des..yea well,know that many ppl is using this template..but who cares??!find that it describes me lots..that's why i'm puting this..well,actually there's another template which i thot i could put but find that it doesnt really describes me,so yea,i didnt put that one..guess that's all..

Monday, August 09, 2004

yea well..haven blogged for a week..fri was the national day celebration..sang my heart out during the sing-along session..cos it was camp after that..the camp was kinda boring i would say..it was lectures.lectures,lectures and lectures..BORING!!sat in the seminar rm for hours listening to the consultants constant talking and all of us was busy copying notes..then we had to come up with a grp name and cheer..my grp was Power^2.day 1 was generally quite fine..my grp got along really well(all councillors mah..)..did our activities really fast and efficiently..but then the second day was kinda bad..everything went haywire on the second..guess its because all of us lack of sleep bah..somehow our grp jus had conflicts and yea well,everything malfunctioned(hope my usage of word is correct..)when we were told to come up with a new cheer,we somehow 'quarreled' and as u can guess,its really bad..our grp wasnt functioning properly..luckily the consultant came to our help,so yep,problem solved!!hahas..well,i got selected to go for OBS!!hahas..so happy..its gonna be like a once in a lifetime experience for me i guess..hahas..alrite..guess that's all..oh yea..HAPPY B'DAE S'PORE!!
Monday, August 02, 2004

hahas..thanx des!my bloggie is finally done!hmmz..dunno wad can i say..eh..hahas..had smth to say jus now but i cant rmb it..hahas..well..i'm in school now..using the comp in the lib..hmmz..oh yea..HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA(lee) JIE!!hahas..yup..u're one year older liaoz..all the best in whatever u do yea??hahas..ooh..i miss mr foo lots..he's so nice.but too bad now he's not teaching us anymore..mr wan aint really the best teacher..he doesnt noe how to conduct a lesson..that;s wad i think larh..he only noe how to scold ppl..hahas..yep..guess that's all for now..shall blog again at night if i gt anything else to put in!!