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Sunday, March 30, 2008

事情已成定局,再也没办法扭转局面。没得怪人,是我自找的。或许这是命吧,只好逆来顺受,现在我只能向前看,不得再往回头。希望接下来的四年,我会争气不辜负他们的期望。。过后路要怎么走,才考虑,深思后才公布决定。这是个非常贵的代价,我会铭记在心。
Saturday, March 29, 2008

A song that aptly decribes me and him.I'll try to forget.I promise.=)

歌曲:我也很想他
歌手:孙燕姿

那时我们总有好多话
什么事都可以讲
我的爱情比你早
却一直放在心上
后来你们之间的变化
我不想再多说话
经过了相遇 挣扎
我还是无法将他放下

那是多久后的事啊
有一天你突然问我
在那个时候 是否也爱着他

我也很想他
我们都一样
在他的身上
曾找到翅膀
只是那时的他
是因为你而开始飞翔
我也很想他
在某个地方
我少了尴尬
你少了肩膀
而夏天还是那么短
思念却很长

还记得
那年我们曾许下的愿望
是星星骗了我们
我们却因此少了一课
真正必修的学分

我也很想他
我们都一样
在他的身上曾找到翅膀
只是那时的他
是因为你而开始飞翔
我也很想他
在某个地方
我少了尴尬 你少了肩膀

而夏天还是那么短
思念却很长
我们都一样

*** *** ***

Went cell with him last night.Actually it was because I wanted to talk to him about my choice.I ran away from the problem until NYP called on thursday informing me that the application was a success.In the end,we didnt get to talk much though.Cos it was at his cell leader's girlfriend house.With so many other people around,it feels really awkward I guess.

First time attending cell.It's pretty alright,just that when the cell leader,Cai Jie, started telling me all about how we need have a relationship with God so that we get saved and all,it's kinda uncomfortable.Afterall,the sole purpose of going there was talking to him-which sort of failed.And I wasn't exactly prepared to get into a religion now.Through the discussion,Cai Jie posted this very interesting view about relationships(so as to get to his point about how to determine the realationship with God).

Many of us claim to know our friends well.Best friends,close friends and all.Yet,how do we know that our actions are reciprocated by our friends?Do they understand our motive behind these actions?What seems to show that we care for our friends may turn out to be a nuisance or something that is very simple.Like giving someone a gift.To us,it's a gesture to show that we love and care for our friends.But to them,it may appear to be weird to receive a gift for no apparent reason.Each of us have different perspective about our relationship.We can't expect everyone to show it the way we want.So how can we measure how close we are to each other?By speech?Action?How?

We may spend lotsa time with who we claim to be our best friends.Especially when we're schooling.We tend to spend time with our close friends during recess,before and after school.To us,we're close to them,BUt we never know how they feel towards us.Our inability to read other people's mind makes it impoosible for us to know what other's are thinking.For a couple that hardly meets up,can they be counted as close?Despite the fact that they hardly meet,we know that they have a close relationship.But through what actions that they do or say guarantees and supports our feeling?Afterall,the couple would never ever have a tag around them that says 'though we hardly meet,we are very close'.Thus,what makes us sure that friends we deem as 'close',whom we meet everyday and chat,are our close friends?Or maybe,do these friends treat us as close friends as well?Are we really as close as it seems?

I used to be sure that my close friends are close to me as well.Now it seems that I may have to change the way I think.Of course, I know from the actions of my friends,we are close.Yet there are many whom I'm not sure.We seem to be close.But in actual fact,are we as close as it seems to be?

*** *** ***

You words touched me.THANKS for supporting every decision that i make.I value it alot.You left me crying.Second time since I know you.No one had ever made such an impact in my life.You are the first.So many first's with you.First time breaking down while talking on the phone.First time someone sent me home.First time you made me realise how good friends can be.First time going for cell.First time someone doing all that he could to make me make a choice.

You are really nice.Your girlfriend is blessed to have found such a nice guy like you.Big big Thanks to you.=)
Sunday, March 23, 2008

Received an email from Eunice.Initially I thought it was just another chain mail.But the images in it disturbed me alot.How can people be so cruel?

While we fight for human rights,animals are being killed.How logical can this be?I believe this email will be circulated around,hence,I shall not elaborate how this poor little kitten was being tortured.Are we really so stressed that we have no channels to vent them but on helpless innocent animals?

Simply because they can't speak and express their thoughts and pain doesn't give us the right to torture animals!Under all circumstances,we should NEVER build our happiness on someone(or somthing) else's agony.NO!

We advocate peace,love,equality,democracy and being eco-friendly.Yet,this kind of things are happening.It seems that we have left out this bunch of being that we deem inferior to us.It is saddening to see that there are such people around.Just imagine.What if there's someone or something more superior than man?Do you wish to be treated the way we treat animals?

At least I know I wish to be treated as an equal.What about you?
Sunday, March 16, 2008

I'm procrastinating.Despite the fact that I've applied for poly,I feel like applying for uni as well.That's how fickle minded I am.Wish to apply nursing but it seems that only hwee supports me.Do I really have such a low stress level?I don't think so.What's wrong with being a nurse?It's not all about cleaning up people's shit and pee.There are aspects whereby the job is challenging.Yes,hospital's a place where we'll see deaths but that isn't all about nursing!It's time people view nurses as a more sacred job than doing shitty work.Yea,maybe you perceive it as a tough job and lowly paid and doctors are better than nurses.But hey!without nurses,doctors can't work too!Everyone makes an impact on every other one.

Currently that's the only other course that I feel strongly for other than OT or PT.May try FoS as well.Thought of being a forensic scientist.A pretty challenging job as well.It's akin to trying to solve puzzles.Of course,we can't make mistakes.But I don't really have such a strong pasion for that compared to nursing.

Mum wants me to work at regular hours.Why?Wthout people working shift,where on earth do we have 24hour services?They don't drop from the sky.Yea,as if nurses live in the hospital and they just come at your beck and call.

Maybe I should just stick to OT.Afterall,if I really decide to become a nurse in the years to come,I may study that after I go out to work.
Friday, March 14, 2008

THANK YOU KELVIN!

fell in love with this song I heard on the radio.It's a pretty old song.Just that I never took notice of the lyrics until a few days ago.It's nice,depicts how a girl feels when she sees her loved one ditch her and goes for another one.

曲名:街角的幸福 歌手:戴佩妮

多少个秋 多少个冬 我几乎快要被治愈好
但还是会只因为一个重覆的话题 就无心自扰

也曾想过 若真遇见 我们应该如何是好
我想我还是会还站在某一个街角 不让你看到
只因为我不想打扰 只因为怕你解释不了
只因为现在你的眼睛里 她比我还重要

我只好假装我看不到
看不到你和她在对街拥抱
你的快乐 我可以感受得到
这样的见面方式对谁都好
我只好假装我听不到
听不到别人口中的她好不好
再不想问 也不想被通知到
反正你的世界我管不了

若不想问 若不想被通知到
就把祝福 留在街角
Thursday, March 13, 2008

Decided that some things shouldnt be posted afterall.If you didnt manage to read it,good for you.Feeling so edgy now.I wonder why.

Just when I've decided to use the scanner after so many donkey years,I realised it's not installed to my comp.Rather,I think Dad uninstalled it.Damn.Now I have to find someone with scanner.Really pressed for time cousin's birthday celebration is this sat and we've not even started doing our gift.Argh!

Was flipping through the past photos and found many classics.Realised how much my babysitter cared and loved me in the past yet now I don't even visit her.Wonder how's she now.Heard that she's now a grandma of two grand-daughters.Maybe I should take some time out and visit her someday.Hopefully she still remembers me.

School term is starting again.Have yet to plan my lessons.In fact, I don't even know if I still need to go to school on Mon.Messaged miss lee my decision and she didn't get back to me.Teaching has its pros and cons.I'm beginning to appreciate my classes.No matter how naughty they are,there's still a side of them that will listen.This is the hope that I always carry with me when I enter my worst class.Some of them in the class do bring me laughter.Though not much,it really brightens up my day after a really exhausting session with them.Maybe,that's why some of my teachers actually managed to tolerate 3i/4i in the past.Though we aren't as horrible,but I believe we created quite some trouble for them.Being a teacher is seriously not easy.Really salute them for persevering so long.

June, thanks for ur support,really appreciate that.=) Some things perhaps just arent meant to be ba.Maybe it's fated that people I like would never like me.Oh wells.Don't feel like sleeping.Many things going through in my head.Starting to think negatively again.Sigh,that's my biggest problem.Always thinking negatively,all about the bad things.Read through my old posts and realised I'm so childish in the past.The posts were pretty stupid.Only the more recent posts made some sense I guess.



Read through the posts dedicated to mr maxx.I said I'd take a long time to get over it.Indeed,it still feel so unreal at times.He was afterall the first person that made me feel that being handicapped doesnt mean that you can't work.Perhaps that's one reason for choosing Occ. Therapy.I'll be able to teach these people how to fish and not provide them with the fish.He also made me realise what it is like to really care for a person..
Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Trapped totally.The chains that bound me kept me suffocating.I can't breathe.

"Come on.You can do it.Walk out of this.Fight!Don't care about what others think.You are the one trapped.You have to move on."

I tried.I gave up.Time after time I was affected by voices around me.

"You have to learn to ignore what others say.Come on.You can do it!"

Again,I tried.I can do it,I thought to myself.What others say in unimportant.What is important is what I'm going to do.I fought hard.

Finally,I fought free.The chains that were bounded to me gave way.I'm free.I smell freedom.The air so sweet.

I never knew it could smell so nice.

If not for you,I'd still be trapped.You may not know of this blog.Nevertheless,this entry is dedicated to you my dear friend.Thank you so so much for making me walk out of this chain that bounded me.THANK YOU.
Monday, March 10, 2008

I wish you'd scold me.If only you tell me straight that I have no choice but to go to the university.I'd feel better.Your silence frightens me.I don't know what you're thinking.Are you mad at my decision?Are you mad that I can't fulfil your dreams?Are you mad that I defied you?

It makes me feel hurt.More hurt than ever.
Saturday, March 08, 2008

Results are finally out.I thought I could take a breather and say,I've decided.Yet things turn out otherwise.True that I'm satisfied with my results,my GP was much better than that in school.So much better.I'm elated.Yet,this was shortlived.The decision that I'm going to make is going to affect what I want to be. Should I go ahead with my interest or be a good girl and go for the conventional path?

I'm standing at the cross roads,deciding which path to take. Both path is going to lead me to my future.Yet, will it be something I want or is it something others want?I don't wish to give up my interest,yet I don't wish to disappoint those who pinned hopes on me.Perhaps,things would have been better if I've got worse grades,even better if I'm still waiting for my results.At least I can give a definite answer.

I know what you want.I also know what I want.This is why it pains my heart to tell you my decision.However,I don't wish to give up on something that I've hung on for such a long time.Sometimes,it's just so good to be a child.Nothing to worry,no big decisions to make,everything planned well.Just follow the path ahead and nothing will go wrong.

The irony of life is such that no one can turn back the time.With age comes responsibility.No use being an ostrich.The problem is always there.We'll have to face the music sooner or later.

funny how God makes fun of man..
Wednesday, March 05, 2008

NEW BLOG SKIN!!!yay..it's finally not black..bt the word is grey..anyone can tell me how i can change tha font to a darker colour??heex..

yay..another day where i don't have to work.School's having the annual speech day as well as sports' day today,hence giving me this opportunity to slack.Having worked for 2 months plus, I realised how difficult it is to be a teacher. Especially a Chinese teacher.Not only do the students hate learning Chinese,they hate Chinese teachers as well.Not all, but having a few in a class is enough.Then again, it's hard to like Chinese when all the subjects are taught in English.The only thing that can grab their attention is movies.But not all movies are in pure Chinese.Those in pure Chinese would most likely be unable to catch the students' attention.urgh!

A's results coming out!Hope I'll be able to pass all my subjects and at least get B for my Chem and Math.Can't imagine what it'll be like if I cant do well for my 2 fave subject(though i have to say that i start disliking Chem when i start to dislike my tutor).

To all my friends taking their results. GOOD LUCK!!May you achieve the grades that you want and enter your dream course..=)