hmm.. back again.. blogging for the third time today.. i'm just so bored that i seriously have no idea what to do.. well.. i've decided that there is another part of today's entry that i wish to 'dedicate' to this particular person who have caused a really great impact in my life.. i dont noe why, but just felt like telling 'you' all this things, 'cos this is something you will not see in my diary neither would i tell you personally or through other other media, so i guess, its best to type it here and tell you.
Okie.. here it goes:

Known you last year,
But got to know you better only this year.
I have no idea why,
but there seem to be a magnet in you
that is pulling me towards you.
This attraction was there before the investiture.
It was only after the investiture
that things got worse,
I fell for you.
Obviously you didnt know that.
Nobody knew that, only I knew.
'Why me?', you may ask.
'Because of your character',
this is the only answer i have for you.
Why?
You treat people too good,
Too good that it seems to have gotten you into this mess.
During the camp,
You were there, but i feel so empty in my heart
because you were there, but i can't talk to you
I felt so uneasy..
Only on day 2 did we get the chance to talk.
I felt so happy, i finally talk to you.
But of course, you didnt know that.
From your best friend,
i know that you sensed that something is wrong with me.
But of course, i didnt dare tell you.
I was afraid that you would shun me from then on.
But i was terribly wrong.
Till now, i still remember clearly what happen that day.
it was as if it happened only yesterday.
I only got the courage to tell you the second time i called you.
My hands were so cold then.
Yes,you rejected me.
My heart was totally shattered,
i held back my tears,
i forbid myself to cry,
i told myself that i musn't cry now,
i cant let my mum see that.
You gave me 3 choice to choose,
I felt lost, i dont know what to do
I wish i could put down the phone the moment you rejected me
but something just made me continue
listening to what you want to say.
Then, i told you i'd be friends with you
Why? 'cos i knew the truth..
You gave me choices so i wasnt going to be that hurt.
Why? Why are you always so good to me?
Can't you be mean to me?
If i could travel back in time,
i would have changed this.
Rumours are spreading,
People 'backstabbing' me,
People whom i trust, had a fair share in it too.
I was really down.
But were you there?
no, you weren't,
i just felt that i was so foolish.
So foolish for clinging on tightly onto you,
foolishly believing that one day you would fall for me too.
but would you?
I don't think so.
At this point of time,
I really wish that i could leave this world,
leave this miserable world once and for all.
But i know i cant,
i cant leave my parents,my friends and you.
But leaving seems to be the only way out.
Life was so bleak then,
Everything seems so dark and meaningless.
Luckily, i had my friends with me.
They helped me tide through the hardest period of my life.
Where were you then?
I have no idea too..
Then, for some reason,
I noticed a change in you.
I shan't elaborate how here.
Ask me if you want.
You became so different from the person i used to know.
Why? haven't you notice that?
or were you too busy enjoying this change?
Why? What causes this change in you?
Can there be a way out?
I really dont want you to change..
Please, please don't..
Can you please promise me?
Can you? Please?

::[desperate gurl pleading you]::

*i hope that after you have read this, you don't feel offended or anything, this is really how i feel during those times. also, i'm writing this not to make you pity me or whatever, like i said, it is how i feel and what i think at those time..